Reflections from my time in Uganda

I just came across this draft of a blog post that I wrote while I was in Uganda last year. It really surprises me how much I had forgotten about from my experience there. Here are my reflections on spending a month living and volunteering in Kampala, the capital of Uganda in 2014.

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Kampala, Uganda

I keep searching for some sort of point I want to make based on my experiences here, but for the most part nothing is coming up. I've thought about writing about how it feels to be white in a country that's something like 99.5% indigenous, or how confusing I've found the social norms about touching, or how sometimes people seem more friendly here than in Boston.

I'm scared to write about my experiences in Uganda, because I'm pretty sure there are books about how offensive the ways that Westerners tend to write about Africa are. Since I'm white and relatively rich, I'm the perfect candidate for being ignorant about this sort of thing.

Also, I don't really know what to say. I haven't learned any concrete life lessons that I can think of, and I don't have any insightful observations. I guess this is because Africa, Uganda, Kampala are real places with all different kinds of people, places, and things. I don't want to make it into a caricature of a place just so I have something definitive to say.

I'm just going to share with you some general observations and reflections, and if I'm coming at it from an offensive angle, it could be good to get constructive criticism on that.

1. Touching seems to have very different connotations here. I still don't really understand it. Men that I work with (I mostly work with men) sometimes hold my hand for minutes at a time, or rub my arm while they're talking to me. I'm told that hand holding is not considered romantic here, but I always feel like they're coming onto me when this happens. I'm not sure if it's a gendered thing; I hear men hold hands casually with each other, too.

2. There are a lot of large, concrete walls with barbed wire separating properties. Also, there are lots of men with gigantic guns standing around; I'm told they're security guards, hired by local businesses.

3. People (mostly men) call out to me constantly as I walk down the street. They say, "Hello, how are you?" or, "Muzungu, how are you?" (muzungu = white person; I'm told it's not a derogatory term). At first I thought this was street harassment, so I didn't respond, but then I saw that my female friend just said hello back. I tried that, and found that the conversation usually ends there. Sometimes people are trying to sell me things, but often it seems like they're just curious. Every once in a while it's, "Hello baby!" and then I don't respond.

4. I feel like an outsider, but not really in a bad way. I expected people here to resent me for having so much more privilege and resources than most of them, but I haven't gotten that impression from anyone. People do seem to assume that I'm rich because I'm white, but they aren't hostile to me; they just want me to buy their products/services.

And they're right -- I am rich here. It's really weird for me. I can go to the fanciest restaurant I find (there are plenty of fancy restaurants here), buy an entree, a cocktail, and dessert, and it might cost me around 40,000 shillings (about $16).

In Boston, I'm more frugal than most of the people I know. I try to limit my unnecessary spending because it seems unfair for me to have much more than I need, while so many other people in the world don't have enough. But I'm skeptical of charity, and haven't found a way to combat financial inequality that I feel confident in. So I end up not spending much, and not donating much, and having money leftover.*

While I'm in one of the poorer countries in the world, it seems to me like it makes sense to spend money more frivolously. Isn't supporting local businesses a pretty direct way to get money to people with less money and resources?

Shopping at the market feels like a very direct way of supporting local Ugandans. I don't know what the shop owners' financial situations are like, but most of the shops are shacks that resemble the houses in the nearby slums, so I'm under the impression that they're not on the richer end of the Ugandan wealth spectrum. Conveniently, I really like shopping at the market. It's full secondhand clothes (my favorite), local produce, and often cute animals wandering around.

I usually barter when buying something at the market, partly because everyone I know tells me to. Also, I get the impression that people expect you to barter, so they jack up the price when you ask how much something is (prices are rarely marked). If I take it for the first price, I feel like I'm getting ripped off. But it seems weird to try to pay less for something when I can afford the higher price, and the money is likely worth much less to me than it is to the person I'm bartering with. On the other hand, I wonder if it would be ostentatious for me not to barter, because it is a part of the shopping experience.

5. I regularly find myself at fancy restaurants and touristy stores, which feels uncomfortable. Sometimes almost everyone in those spaces is white, and I wonder why I've gotten myself into a white people bubble in the middle of a 99.5% brown country. Sometimes when I go to these places it's because someone I know invites me to them, and other times it's because I feel physically safe going there alone, and they have things I'm used to (i.e. they take credit cards, I don't need the menu items explained to me, etc.).

*Note: At the time of publication, this is no longer the case. I spend a lot more money on housing than I used to, and I make less money than I used to because of irregular work hours.

Porn: Helpful or harmful?

From Indie Porn Revolution

In reading an article that I expected to say a lot of Stuff I Like To Hear, I found myself challenged by an argument against porn. It went something like this:

"Porn ruins authentic physical intimacy. It makes real sex unsexy..."

I agree that mainstream porn promotes unusual body types (for women: skinny, big boobs; for men: muscular, big penis) as the "norm," which leads people to hold themselves and their partners to unrealistic standards. A man I had a fling with last year once told me, in a frenzy of enthusiasm for my body, "You look like a porn star!" Rather than feeling complimented, I felt objectified to be told that my body fit into the standards of beauty/sex appeal that our society had jammed into this man's brain.

But is porn inherently harmful, or is it just that popular porn often presents unrealistic depictions of people and sex that degrade real people and real sex?


My opinion is that:

1. Porn is a form of erotic art;

2. Erotic art is a valuable part of our culture because humans are sexual beings (which is a good thing) and erotic art appeals to that and helps us to express and enjoy that part of ourselves;

3. Porn that represents humanity and sex accurately and ethically is good for the above reasons.


And guess what!

It seems that ethical porn exists. Here is a directory:
(Taken from this article, not written by me)

Heather Corrina
The goddess herself. Also check out her sex-positive webzine and teen sexual health site.

Erotic Red
Feminist menstruation porn by women of all shapes and sizes who are, naturally and authentically, on their period. As the woman who runs the site writes, “In an industry where photos of women being throat-fucked and pissed on are commonplace portrayals of human sexuality, women enjoying themselves on their periods are viewed by most pornographers as horrifyingly obscene.” Erotic Red is out to change that.

VegPorn
One of my fav’s with models of all shapes and sizes. This site features only vegetarian and vegan models and is very inclusive of gender and sexual diversity including queer and trans models. It’s also woman-owned. I’ve thought of applying to model here, but am somewhat afraid of losing my job or causing a local scandal…which is usually a sign that you should not do something!

Indie Porn Revolution
“Porn that doesn’t fake it!” A great site with self-proclaimed “radical porn” that is inclusive of all natural body types and embraces queer and transfolk. Porn with a political edge.

Good Dyke Porn
A brilliant new site based out of Vancouver with all lesbian, bisexual, queer women and transfolk artists. I especially love this site because they go out of their way to eroticize safer sex. You’ll see lots of gloves, dental dams, condoms, lube, and consensual kink on this site.

Furry Girl
The official site of Furry Girl, who also owns and runs Erotic Red and VegPorn and a vegan sexual aid shop. Furry Girl is an all-natural, hairy, self-proclaimed feminist that really gets the difference between the mainstream sex industry and pro-sex feminist pornography.

Berg’s Queer Foot Porn
Berg is a close friend of mine. Her site may or may not actually be porn…it’s up for debate, but this website is brilliant. It is a feminist deconstruction of women’s pleasure and a manifesta against violence against women. Coming from an anti-rape perspective, Berg’s critique of society and sexuality is truly poignant. I encourage you to check it out.

Post-Christian ethics, or: How to be a "good person" without an absolute moral code

I used to read the bible a lot (note the resemblance of my hair to a Hershey's Kiss). 

I recently met someone who struck me as a really "good person" and, in my bout of idealized esteem for this person, felt that I wasn't "good enough" to deserve for him to think the same thing about me. This sounds like your run-of-the-mill low self-esteem insecurity problem, but I don't think that's what it is -- I think that I logically believe that I am lacking in the "being a good person" department, and have been for years.

Why would I think this about myself? Let me give a little background information:

I was a conservative Christian from the ages of 13 to 19 -- some very formative years. During this time, I adopted the standard conservative Christian ethical living guidelines (lets call them SCCELGs, "skelgs"):

-No drinking

-No drugs (with the exception of the widely accepted caffeine, and possibly others)

-No swearing

-No lying

-No blaspheming

-No sex until marriage

-No non-heterosexual anything, etc.

Of course it was hard to adhere to such strict rules, but in one way it was easier than the alternative: I didn't have to determine moral guidelines for myself; they were just given to me (by other Christians).

There were some times that I had to Think For Myself about how to apply the SCCELGs in a certain situation, but for the most part, moral decision making was very black and white (i.e. "I will not try alcohol because it is wrong").

Then, when I decided I was no longer a Christian at the age of 19 (this meme sums up my reasoning), I had to come up with my own, personalized set of ethical living guidelines (ELGs, rhymes with "skelgs").

In my quest for my own ELGs, it seemed fitting to try things out before writing them off as "immoral" (with some exceptions, like murder) so I decided that it was okay if I made mistakes and did things I would later determine to be "bad" in the process of trying to figure out my ethical living guidelines.

Two years later, I am surprised to find that I am still living by this "try to do good, but if you don't know whether something is good or bad, try it" principle.

What I didn't realize when I first came up with this principle was that I will probably never decide on an absolute, complete, timeless set of ELGs -- which means that this "phase" of experimentation (and leeway for wrongdoing) could last the rest of my life.

So how do I hold myself to a high moral standard when I don't have an absolute set of ethical living guidelines? Well, I have a few ideas:

1. Rather than trying really hard to avoid making mistakes, I will make an effort to do the most good I can, with an emphasis on treating people well in everyday life. I'll remind myself to enjoy doing good things for others, not "cut corners."

2. Listen to my gut feeling more. The things I've done recently that I ended up regretting were all done when I was extremely unsure to the point of being hesitant. I'll raise the bar a tiny bit for how sure I should be before trying something: I should at least be at "totally unsure," not at "leaning towards no."

Spectrum of Certainty

3. Keep actively working on figuring out my ethical living guidelines. Even though I don't see myself declaring a set of ELGs that are as absolute and complete as the ones I knew as a Christian, I do think that I can come up with some guidelines to use as a starting point for ethical decision making. For example, I see myself eventually making a decision about whether or not I think drinking is a good thing for me (I like drinking, I don't generally do too much regrettable stuff when I'm drunk, but what about the time I was drunk and my friend was having a major crisis and I couldn't drive to see him? Should I refrain from drinking in order to always be available to meet the needs of the people I love in case they need me?)

4. Figure out some sort of way of being spiritual. I'm not looking to be religious, but I think a spiritual life can be rewarding and nourishing to my sense of self. I find that nature makes me feel spiritually fulfilled, so I intend to focus my spiritual pursuits around it.

How do you figure out your ethical living guidelines? Whether you're religious or not, it takes some intense consideration. What works for you? Is there anything you want to try to work toward being more ethical?

Rat empathy: Chipping away at the notion that humans are more enlightened than other animals

A rat allowed to roam around eventually figured out how to set free a trapped cagemate. Rats didn’t offer the same courtesy to stuffed animals, suggesting the creatures have empathy for one another.

“As humans, we tend sometimes to have this feeling that there’s something special about our morals.” 

-Christian Keysers, neuroscientist

In a recent study, University of Chicago researchers put a rat into a small cage and allowed another rat to roam free amongst the caged rat for an hour each day. The free would rat immediately attempt to free the caged rat by digging and biting at the cage. After about seven days of this, the free rat would figure out how to open the cage. The two rats would then celebrate with "a frenzy of excited running" (quote from this article).

23 of 30 rats learned to open the cage for trapped rats, but only 5 of 40 rats opened the cage if it was empty (the same went for cages filled with a stuffed animal).

“They are affected by what the other is experiencing"

-Matthew Campbell, psychologist

Researchers also presented free rats with both a caged rat and 5 caged chocolate chips ("These rats adore their chocolate." -study coauthor Inbal Ben-Ami Bartal). When presented with the option to open the cages, half of the rats freed the caged rat first. And some "hero" rats even shared the chocolate with their newly freed friends -- on purpose. “It’s not like they missed a chocolate,” Bartal says. “They actually carried it out of the restrainer sometimes but did not eat it.”

What does this say about the view that humans are the only moral creatures? Or that humans are the only creatures with the capacity to think? Are we actually higher on the scale of beings, or are we just different in the same way deer and fish are different from one another?

I find that the notion of humans being above animals is widespread in our culture, even among animal lovers. I frequently hear loving pet owners teasing themselves for "the things I do for these animals." The belief behind this statement is that pets are really not worth the effort it takes to prepare their meals from scratch (in the case of illness or food allergies), spend money on daycare to prevent them from being alone for several hours at a time, etc. However, these are things that any good parent would unquestionably do for his/her children. Are human children more deserving of a good life than animal dependents?

I think that in general, humans are naturally inclined to have stronger attachments to other humans than to animals, so it makes sense that we would prioritize our children over our pets. However, I think that animals are equally as deserving of care, love, and consideration as humans are.


"The pathetic, objectionable truth about our humanity is that all we are is bipedal, potty trained, grave-making animal fuckers who shave their fur off and think that somehow we're above all else that crawls on the land we've dynamite blasted flat."
-Casey Rocheteau, local poet

Talking about menstruation!

I spend about 1/5 of my time menstruating. Most of my sick days are due to menstrual cramps. I get period blood on my fingers when I remove/insert my menstrual cup.

My period is a substantial part of my life.

So why is it taboo to talk about something that is a substantial part of the lives of every female in the world?

You'd Think We'd Never BledBook: Avoiding the Topic of Menstruation Since 1903
From Adventures in Menstruating

"Your health worries explained: Let's all just pretend there's nothing down there!"

This reminds me of the many unsatisfying experiences I've had with doctors on the topic of my vagina, including having to teach my doctor what a menstrual cup is just a few weeks ago (they're not that uncommon!).

In my opinion, our culture's unwillingness to talk about menstruation oppresses females in a lot of ways:

1. It sends the message that this bodily function is gross and unmentionable, which discourages females from loving their bodies.

2. It fails to educate girls about menstruation. Some girls never hear of menstruation at all before their first period (and therefore assume they're wounded, which can be traumatic).*

And the conversation that our culture does have about menstruation focuses on sanitary products, not the significance of fertility or womanhood.

*This info is from The Body Project.

3. It produces men who lack an understanding of menstruation.

4. It leaves females unskilled at talking (and questioning) about their bodies because they have not learned comfortable (or any) words to identify their body parts.

"Women still struggle to find a vocabulary that does not rely on Victorian euphemisms, medical nomenclature, or misogynistic slang." -Joan Jacobs Brumberg, The Body Project

I totally struggle with finding a vocabulary to talk about my body. What do I call my vagina? "Vagina" sounds a bit too medical, "pussy" is a word people use to insult each other, and any sort of euphemism is totally against my passion for bluntness.

There is a movement called menstrual activism, radical menstruation, menstrual anarchy, or menarchy that strives to change the ways that menstruation is dealt with by society.

Menstrual activism may include:

-Speaking openly about periods
-Challenging negative attitudes toward menstruation
-Campaigning for more environmentally friendly sanitary products
-Campaigning for safer sanitary products

"Do we have to regard our period as something dirty? Do we have to greet a girl's first period with silence?" -Chris Bobel

Pagan menarche ceremony

Some cultures have rituals for menarche (a girl's first period) that celebrate the girl's rite of passage.

I can see how the above photo might seem silly to a lot of people -- white, Western women imitating tribal rituals that they likely have no ties to. But I think there is good in it. It can be a good thing for people from one culture to adopt the practices they value from other cultures.

A menarche ceremony:

1. Helps a girl to feel welcomed into the world of womanhood (through the sharing of stories, the celebration of womanhood, etc.).

2. Provides a girl with an opportunity to contemplate the weight of her newly found ability to make babies.

3. Fosters solidarity and bonding among all of the women and girls involved.

4. Creates an opportunity for those who have had their periods for a time to share stories -- funny stories, embarrassing stories, stories of lessons learned, etc. which can help the newly menstrual girl gain an understanding of menstruation in an emotional and spiritual light (as opposed to learning just the medical facts, like how to use a tampon).

5. Brings meaning and gratification to the life-changing event. If a girl's first period is not acknowledged beyond the purchase of sanitary products, it may feel unfulfilling (like when it's your birthday, but it doesn't feel like your birthday).

6. Helps a girl to feel more in tune with her body and nature by allowing this naturally occurring event to dictate when a ceremony will take place.

To clarify:

Do feminists hate men? I'd estimate that most feminists do not hate men, though some might. Feminism is "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes" (Merriam-Webster Dictionary), not the theory that any gender is better than another.

Do I think a menarche ceremony is the only meaningful way to address menarche? No, I just think it can be a good way to do it, but I'm sure that some girls would prefer not to share this experience with friends and parents' friends. Of course, a girl's preferences and feelings should be central to how her first period is addressed.

Activists combat the notion that menstruation is gross:

A piece from Ingrid Berthon-Moine's collection of photos of women wearing menstrual blood as lipstick

"consider the idea of tasting your own menstrual blood" -Germaine Greer

Ingrid Berthon-Moine's "Red is the Colour"

Painting using menstrual blood

Why do I think these quirky artistic endeavors are worth mentioning?

1. They send the message that menstruation is beautiful. They feel to me like celebrations of womanhood and menstruation.

2. Since switching to a menstrual cup (instead of tampons/pads), I have been looking for ways to use my own period blood (because a menstrual cup collects it in the cup, rather than absorbing it into fluffy material). Menstrual blood seems potentially useful -- I've considered using it as a dye. I hadn't thought to use it as paint, but that seems like a worthwhile project. It makes a point and it is free paint (paint is expensive!).

3. I think art is a powerful form of peaceful activism.

Turn off the TV: Live your life.

The average American watches 4 hours of TV a day. That translates to 2 months a year.

Nobody is ridiculous or bad or disgusting, says Vonnegut

When his father accuses him of never writing a book with a villain in it, Slaughterhouse Five's narrator (who claims to be Kurt Vonnegut himself) attributes this to his college education, which taught him that "there was absolutely no difference between anybody" and that "nobody was ridiculous or bad or disgusting."


Nobody is ridiculous.

When Jennifer Lopez demands that her coffee be stirred counterclockwise, she is still a being whose thought processes and opinions are just as valid as anyone else's, even if others don't always understand them.

Though calling a person ridiculous isn't usually considered very mean, it seems to be refusing to see him/her as a whole person. This is dehumanization, which may be the root of hatred (or at least a prerequisite to hatred).


Nobody is bad.

When a man cuts his wife's nose and ears off to punish her for running away, he is still a being whose thought processes and opinions are just as valid as anyone else's, even though it can be best to interfere with destructive behavior. The Christian teaching "Hate the sin, not the sinner" comes to mind.


Nobody is disgusting.

When Abraham Alexander embezzles over $200,000 from CRF, a charity that helps people with cardiovascular disease, and spends most of it on dominatrix Lady Sage, he is still a being whose thought processes and opinions are just as valid as anyone else's.


"Kyle is not ridiculous or bad or disgusting."
KYLE ALSPACH

Conclusion

Removing these three characteristics from our interpretations of people urges us to see past hate and fear, which hopefully makes room for us to become more perceptive of the beauty of humanity as it exists in those around us.