Post-Christian ethics, or: How to be a "good person" without an absolute moral code

I used to read the bible a lot (note the resemblance of my hair to a Hershey's Kiss). 

I recently met someone who struck me as a really "good person" and, in my bout of idealized esteem for this person, felt that I wasn't "good enough" to deserve for him to think the same thing about me. This sounds like your run-of-the-mill low self-esteem insecurity problem, but I don't think that's what it is -- I think that I logically believe that I am lacking in the "being a good person" department, and have been for years.

Why would I think this about myself? Let me give a little background information:

I was a conservative Christian from the ages of 13 to 19 -- some very formative years. During this time, I adopted the standard conservative Christian ethical living guidelines (lets call them SCCELGs, "skelgs"):

-No drinking

-No drugs (with the exception of the widely accepted caffeine, and possibly others)

-No swearing

-No lying

-No blaspheming

-No sex until marriage

-No non-heterosexual anything, etc.

Of course it was hard to adhere to such strict rules, but in one way it was easier than the alternative: I didn't have to determine moral guidelines for myself; they were just given to me (by other Christians).

There were some times that I had to Think For Myself about how to apply the SCCELGs in a certain situation, but for the most part, moral decision making was very black and white (i.e. "I will not try alcohol because it is wrong").

Then, when I decided I was no longer a Christian at the age of 19 (this meme sums up my reasoning), I had to come up with my own, personalized set of ethical living guidelines (ELGs, rhymes with "skelgs").

In my quest for my own ELGs, it seemed fitting to try things out before writing them off as "immoral" (with some exceptions, like murder) so I decided that it was okay if I made mistakes and did things I would later determine to be "bad" in the process of trying to figure out my ethical living guidelines.

Two years later, I am surprised to find that I am still living by this "try to do good, but if you don't know whether something is good or bad, try it" principle.

What I didn't realize when I first came up with this principle was that I will probably never decide on an absolute, complete, timeless set of ELGs -- which means that this "phase" of experimentation (and leeway for wrongdoing) could last the rest of my life.

So how do I hold myself to a high moral standard when I don't have an absolute set of ethical living guidelines? Well, I have a few ideas:

1. Rather than trying really hard to avoid making mistakes, I will make an effort to do the most good I can, with an emphasis on treating people well in everyday life. I'll remind myself to enjoy doing good things for others, not "cut corners."

2. Listen to my gut feeling more. The things I've done recently that I ended up regretting were all done when I was extremely unsure to the point of being hesitant. I'll raise the bar a tiny bit for how sure I should be before trying something: I should at least be at "totally unsure," not at "leaning towards no."

Spectrum of Certainty

3. Keep actively working on figuring out my ethical living guidelines. Even though I don't see myself declaring a set of ELGs that are as absolute and complete as the ones I knew as a Christian, I do think that I can come up with some guidelines to use as a starting point for ethical decision making. For example, I see myself eventually making a decision about whether or not I think drinking is a good thing for me (I like drinking, I don't generally do too much regrettable stuff when I'm drunk, but what about the time I was drunk and my friend was having a major crisis and I couldn't drive to see him? Should I refrain from drinking in order to always be available to meet the needs of the people I love in case they need me?)

4. Figure out some sort of way of being spiritual. I'm not looking to be religious, but I think a spiritual life can be rewarding and nourishing to my sense of self. I find that nature makes me feel spiritually fulfilled, so I intend to focus my spiritual pursuits around it.

How do you figure out your ethical living guidelines? Whether you're religious or not, it takes some intense consideration. What works for you? Is there anything you want to try to work toward being more ethical?

Turn off the TV: Live your life.

The average American watches 4 hours of TV a day. That translates to 2 months a year.

Naked outdoor yoga

A few weeks ago I went to Maine with two friends, Regina and Amanda. The trip was a 4-day cleanse during which we ate only raw foods (I wasn't as strict as them though) and read and thought a lot.

Since we were staying in a very secluded house surrounded by woods, I had the idea to do yoga naked in the front lawn, facing the woods.

I actually have no idea how to do yoga and have only been to one yoga class, but I made it up as I went along.

Me making up a yoga pose in the front yard

 

1. You get to watch nature's beauty (especially trees and birds)

2. Fresh air brushes past and massages every inch of your skin while simultaneously flowing in and out of your lungs

3. The sun warms every inch of your skin (but be careful not to get overheated)

 
4. The lack of clothing on your body helps you to relate to other animals

 
5. It is thrilling to be constantly prepared for the slight chance of being seen

Mint in my belly button

Walden Pond, the only place I've ever skinny dipped

My tomato plant gives me a present

My cherry tomato plant finished growing its first tomato the other day. When we first met, the plant was only a little bigger than the one pictured below.

I am shocked by how emotionally attached I have become to this plant. It is my first attempt at gardening.

The plant now, with at least four green baby tomatoes growing

When I picked the tomato, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I couldn't think of a sufficient way to express this, so I said thank you and kissed a leaf near where its first fruit had been.

I didn't feel worthy to eat the tomato that I had done so little to help grow, so I let it sit in the kitchen for a few days while I brainstormed alternatives.

The tomato resting on my porch

My first thought was to give it to Nate's mom, who has let me eat countless tomatoes from her own garden, but that didn't seem like a good idea since she already has more tomatoes than she can eat.

I also considered cutting it up and sharing it with multiple people, but it is so small that I was afraid a significant amount of its juicy insides would be wasted during the chopping.

After a few days, when it seemed to be too ripe to wait any longer, I decided to eat it. I had never before had so much fulfillment from eating! The process of watching a plant grow, watching its fruit grow, picking it, and eating it made me feel very close to the earth. I've recently gotten out of the habit of thanking god for food, but I might like to get into the habit of thanking nature for food.